The Feminine Mystique

Best-selling author and founder of modern-day feminsim, Betty Friedan, died on her birthday Saturday at the age of 85. Her most well-known book, The Feminine Mystique, published in 1963, set the groundwork for allowing women to build careers. It also provides the justification for modern-day feminism's insistence on abortion rights and homosexual unions, despite the fact that Friedan herself initially believed "the women's movement had to remain in the American mainstream, that men had to be accepted as allies and that the family should not be rejected." (Wash post article is here)

While I am not too fond of Friedan and what I believe to be a misguided understanding of women's sources of fulfillment (The NYT outlines some of her own personal struggles here), I agree that many of the questions she explored are universal for all women, as she writes, "A woman has got to be able to say, and not feel guilty, `Who am I, and what do I want out of life?' She mustn't feel selfish and neurotic if she wants goals of her own, outside of husband and children."

She musn't feel inherently selfish or neurotic for having the desire to utilize her talents and gifts, no, yet she also must acknowledge (like people of every gender must) when those desires do in fact lead to selfishness or neurosis, as strong desires are often want to do. As reponsible actors in a moral universe, women and men alike must learn to find the true source of their longings and pursue them in the context of families, friends and communities rather than simply as independednt agents.

As Frieden's own inconsistency and evolving ethic suggests, by defining fulfillment only by acheivement of an abstract goal, women are destined to spend a life constantly revising and changing and expanding that goal to fit their needs (real or perceived) of the moment. Instead, I believe women are mush wiser to explore the deep questions of existence and identity within the context of relationships with other women AND men to set goals and benchmarks with the help of others. For one woman, motherhood may bring the height of fulfillment and to insist upon a career is to rob her of great purpose and joy, whereas another woman may live to practice law and to be homebound is to stifle her. In most cases, as in most of life, I think it is probably a bit of both. The challenge for women to navigate with one another is how to strike a balance in the midst of these unavoidable tensions, not to ignore them.

It is here that I would direct my women friends back to Sharon Hersh's book, Bravehearts, which offers a number of practical and contextualized responses to the seemingly insatiable desires of a woman's heart. She prescribes honest friendships, trusting faith, and patient waiting rather than a progressive agenda loaded with entitlements. Lilian Barger's book, Eve's Revenge is another great resource.